I'm going to be completely honest, I am often envious of people who can come up with clever things to say in conversation...in a timely manner. I consider myself creative enough, but usually it takes me a liiiittle too long to think of something witty. This is probably why my most frequent comebacks are "yeah, well, you know what?"(I never once have had an answer to this question in mind; I always hope people will just accept it as rhetorical/intimidating) and "whatever!" (soooo Stephanie on "Full House," I know.)
Basically, my point is, in various convos throughout my day, I often sarcastically think to myself, "good one," in the same accent/manner as Steve Martin in the Pink Panther. An example of this in my life recently:
--A fisherman came through my line one early morning at Walmart, and I was making some simple small talk about whether he thought it would be a prosperous day or not. I wanted to say something clever (cue: dun dun dun) to bid him good luck, which almost led me to say "break a leg," but thankfully I remembered that was merely a theater phrase. So, unfortunately, I attempted to spin this phrase into fisherman-applicable-lingo, which came out: "well, I hope you hook a weed!" He gave me a funny look and said, "thanks?" before walking away. See it's supposed to be clever, because "break a leg" is the opposite of what actors want to happen, and thus "hooking a weed" brings good luck as it's not supposed to happen while fishing either. Get it, get it? I know, *cricket noises.*
--The infamous "I'm excited" incident (pre-Spring Break). I walked up to meet the director of Ambex (my study abroad program), all ready to say my mentally rehearsed line. But before I could say anything, he said: "Hi, Joy! I recognize you from your application. You must be one of the English Communication majors. We're looking forward to having you this fall!"
My mind blanked. There was nothing running through my head. This was not a good (or sensible) moment for awkward silence. Cue my response: unfortunately, the only thing I could muster up was a rather emphatic, "Yeah! I'm excited!" Cue him smiling and nodding awkwardly. Good gravy, It was my turn to talk again? I forgot everything I wanted to ask him about Germany. And for some reason (God knows we all need more humility, maybe?) the only thing I could think to say again was, you guessed it: "I'm looking forward to everything this fall because...I'm excited!" Thankfully, I proceeded to have a somewhat more normal convo with him, but I'm pretty sure there was one more mention of my excitement before wrapping things up.
Now I know you may be thinking: are you okay, Joy? Are you sure you have friends at school? I bet your tours are really...exciting!
No worries, friends, usually public speaking is not this much of a challenge for me. I actually rather enjoy it, and would like to think I've progressed lightyears since my 3rd grade speech, asking the school to vote for me for student government secretary. In my probably 1000 word speech (Apparently I felt REALLY qualified), I'm pretty sure I spoke so fast, the only thing anyone got out of it was: "Hi-my-names-JoyHillyer-andIwould-lovetobe-studentsecretary-becauseIlike-spelling!...writing!...reading!-Okaypleasevoteforme-...thanks!"
***Please don't judge my title as a Communication major based on my (in)ability to have a normal conversation...God does have a sense of humor.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Hicks and Homies
Desperate to make money before going to Germany, I accepted a job as a cashier at Wal-Mart in June. My good friend, Eric, has a blog dedicated to his Wal-Mart happenings and various stories here, and I, too, have had some jolly good times/basically met some of America's finest weirdos in my summer working there. From hicks to homies, I'll dedicate a couple of posts on here to some of my faves...
--Plastic Bag eating old people? One fine Sunday I had a young-ish guy come through my line with four carts full of small items...FOUR! So I started sacking everything (yes, sacking, for all you Northerners), but it turns out this fine gentleman was OCD and didn't want any of his bags to be touching. He kept waving his arms at me and saying, "No...no! You're doing it all wrong...no touchie!" This made loading everything up a very difficult endeavor, but I eventually got everything in the carts. If only the weirdness ended here, but nooo. There were 4 carts and only one of him, so 2 other cashiers and I helped him out to his car. On the walk outside, one of the cashiers said "I hope you have a big trunk!" and he said "I do, but it's full of wheelchairs and walkers." Then the other cashier suggested we put things on the seats, to which he explained "that's impossible. All 15 seats are full of old people, and they eat whatever we put in front of them, even the plastic bags." I now have a new fear.
--Trained by a robot. Whenever I want to have a good chuckle (not LOL or ROFL) I think back to the wonderful 40 hours of computer training I received on how to be a cashier, including a virtual cash register. That was WAY more fun then the real thing. Bummer. BUT the best part of this training was the videos. Cheesy training videos are my favorite part of new jobs (It might be a little sad I have been through enough new jobs to have a favorite part?), but anyway, Walmarts' videos take the cake. Reasons:
1) The "Why we don't stereotype/sexually harass customers/coworkers" video. I learned so much through their poorly acted out examples, i.e. its not okay to compare shopping customers to grazing cows, nor is it acceptable to stare at coworkers and make grunting noises (I wish I could make this stuff up myself.)
2) If I actually follow the video training's instruction, I should smile and say "thank you for shopping Walmart" after every move I make, even if it is in the middle of the checkout process and they are not leaving yet. I still desperately want to try this and see what my manager says.
--On another note: Things I will never understand:
...why a customer changed their mind at the last minute on purchasing a large table saw. Yeah, I always get the urge to buy a saw, then decide it's just not the right day, too?
...why it is socially acceptable to sport the American flag in any tacky form of shirt, hat, scarf, shorts, socks, sandals, legit toga (oh yes, I worked 8 hours on the Fourth of July--I've seen it all). Side note: when are peoples' super faded "Old Navy--2000, Turn of the Century" shirts EVER going to be considered too ratty to wear in public?
...why generic insult tee-shirts were ever made. Mr. "If you're reading this shirt you're a loser" that's you, and that's not clever, and yes, Ms. "I'm With Stupid" that includes you, too. Stop hurting my feelings! All I wanted to do was read your shirt.
--Plastic Bag eating old people? One fine Sunday I had a young-ish guy come through my line with four carts full of small items...FOUR! So I started sacking everything (yes, sacking, for all you Northerners), but it turns out this fine gentleman was OCD and didn't want any of his bags to be touching. He kept waving his arms at me and saying, "No...no! You're doing it all wrong...no touchie!" This made loading everything up a very difficult endeavor, but I eventually got everything in the carts. If only the weirdness ended here, but nooo. There were 4 carts and only one of him, so 2 other cashiers and I helped him out to his car. On the walk outside, one of the cashiers said "I hope you have a big trunk!" and he said "I do, but it's full of wheelchairs and walkers." Then the other cashier suggested we put things on the seats, to which he explained "that's impossible. All 15 seats are full of old people, and they eat whatever we put in front of them, even the plastic bags." I now have a new fear.
--Trained by a robot. Whenever I want to have a good chuckle (not LOL or ROFL) I think back to the wonderful 40 hours of computer training I received on how to be a cashier, including a virtual cash register. That was WAY more fun then the real thing. Bummer. BUT the best part of this training was the videos. Cheesy training videos are my favorite part of new jobs (It might be a little sad I have been through enough new jobs to have a favorite part?), but anyway, Walmarts' videos take the cake. Reasons:
1) The "Why we don't stereotype/sexually harass customers/coworkers" video. I learned so much through their poorly acted out examples, i.e. its not okay to compare shopping customers to grazing cows, nor is it acceptable to stare at coworkers and make grunting noises (I wish I could make this stuff up myself.)
2) If I actually follow the video training's instruction, I should smile and say "thank you for shopping Walmart" after every move I make, even if it is in the middle of the checkout process and they are not leaving yet. I still desperately want to try this and see what my manager says.
--On another note: Things I will never understand:
...why a customer changed their mind at the last minute on purchasing a large table saw. Yeah, I always get the urge to buy a saw, then decide it's just not the right day, too?
...why it is socially acceptable to sport the American flag in any tacky form of shirt, hat, scarf, shorts, socks, sandals, legit toga (oh yes, I worked 8 hours on the Fourth of July--I've seen it all). Side note: when are peoples' super faded "Old Navy--2000, Turn of the Century" shirts EVER going to be considered too ratty to wear in public?
...why generic insult tee-shirts were ever made. Mr. "If you're reading this shirt you're a loser" that's you, and that's not clever, and yes, Ms. "I'm With Stupid" that includes you, too. Stop hurting my feelings! All I wanted to do was read your shirt.
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